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My Cousin Terry Scored the Muenster Account!

March 9, 2007

Dateline: March 9, 2007

In an unsuspected move late last night, the Muenster Advisory Board has chosen the ad firm of Lowestein, Breck, Lowestein and Breck to commandeer their new multibillion dollar ad campaign. Many inside the cheese industry expected them to go with Idea SweatShop, a much bigger firm with a history of cheese hawking. In 1998, Idea SweatShop was responsible for the billboards, television ads and publicity events that led to the Gorgonzola craze that summer.

Terry, my cousin and Senior Account Manager at Lowenstein, Breck, Lowenstein and Breck, attributes their success to the fact that they have no cheese experience. What? That’s crazy town Terry! Allow him to explain…

“When I met Hank (Flecowics, Senior Vice Chairman of the Muenster Advisory Board), I could tell that he was selling more than just cheese.” He said in a recent interview at my Uncle Stan’s wake, “Muenster is a lifestyle. We at LBLB understood that immediately, and are already well on our way to selling that lifestyle to the American public.”


Terry, my cousin just about the best advertsing exec at Lowenstein, Breck, Lowenstein and Breck.

And it’s proven to be an even bigger job than it sounds. The first step, says Terry, was to develop a slogan that people ‘could really get behind’. After months of brainstorming, consumer testing and an exhaustive tour of dairy farms, Hank and company have finally come up with a solid slogan. “Release the Muenster Monster Within You” will be appearing on billboards, at bus stops, on TV and printed on select deli meats in the coming months. But Terry didn’t stop there.

“Muenster has a broad range of appeal, so we’ve needed to develop a multi-tiered plan of attack. The elderly are prime candidates, for example. We think that there is potential for them to be huge ‘MuensterHeads’ but we didn’t feel that the slogan really appealed to them. So we altered it. We feel that our new slogan ‘Muenster: Soft and Easy To Chew’ is really going to nail that 65 to 110 demo right on the head.”

Likewise, Terry also has plans for those 10 and under. Starting October, a loveable cartoon character named “Muenstie” will begin to permeate the airwaves on Saturday morning and other peak child viewing times. “Our research shows these other times to be Sunday thru Friday at anywhere from 6am to midnight,” said Terry “So you’re going to be seeing lots more of Muenstie!” He then laughed heartily, causing many at the wake discomfort.


Muenstie

Muenstie will also be appearing at King’s Island, a theme park outside of Cincinnati, Ohio where he will appear as a character and have his own roller coaster and watershow. And look out Hollywood, cause here comes cheese with attitude! Robert Schennkan, screenwriter of The Quiet American, is currently drafting an animated adventure featuring Muenstie.

“Muenstie’s not just a cartoon character.” Terry explained, “He’s a way of life.”

As with all his projects, Terry believes that the Muenster account will really take off. Sandra Shell, newly appointed Director of Publicity for the Muenster Advisory Board, shares his enthusiasm. “The time for Muenster is now. It’s taken a back seat to Mozzzerella, Cheddar and (to a lesser extent) swiss for too long. With Terry’s brillant campaign, I think we can make Muenster number one. We want it, and the people will want it. Get ready America, here comes muenster!”

“Indeed,” said Terry, biting into a huge block of Muenster. “Indeed.”

 

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